Apparently Michael Danby supports Marriage Equality

So here we go again...
Michael Danby (or do-nothing Danby as I have dubbed him) has decided to email me again on marriage equality *sigh*

So the basic gist...
"For the first time, we have an Australian Prime Minister going into an election with a commitment to supporting marriage equality.

It is my belief that allowing all Australians the same dignity, the same opportunities, and the same freedoms is the best thing for our country and I will support any future marriage equality bill."

and further...
"I have supported the principle of marriage equality for a long time and I am proud to be part of a political party that has put addressing this injustice on its agenda."

This is a man who abstained on the vote on marriage equality because he wasn't going to vote because it was going to be defeated anyway (or something along those lines).

So the obligatory response that will undoubtedly like all my emails to him will get absolute no response.

"Dear Mr Danby,

I really find it galling that you have the audacity to tell me that you are a supporter of marriage equality that when I have contacted you and your office at least 4 times over the last federal term to receive no response in regards to marriage equality issues.

Also I also find it quite insulting that you are saying that it is disappointing that Mr Abbott won't allow his parliamentarians a conscience vote - which as was proven - it is non-binding.  A liberal crossed the benches to vote in support of marriage equality.  You are telling me that you are a supporter of marriage equality, when the last bill came to parliament, why didn't you vote?  

Mr Danby you chose to not vote for marriage equality so in that spirit and considering the support you have physically shown - you can in fact not count on my vote.

I wish you the best of luck.

Regards,
Michael Verhoef

And also I have unsubscribed for your email list so please do not send me anymore unsolicited emails."

Trying to explain surrogate birth to nearly 4 year olds...

Is actually quite difficult...

We ended up having a conversation with the girls last night which turned into the first conversation about them being born through a surrogate.  I wasn't quite sure when we could expect to have this discussion.  I wasn't prepared for it and I have no idea of how well we covered it.

Louise and Olivia get they have two daddies and they are different from other families.  I really hate describing our family as different and have avoided saying that around the girls.  We have been able to highlight diversity in different family structures so they do know we are not that far from the norm.  They do understand that they don't have a "mummy" so then trying to explain that they came out of a surrogate's tummy was met with disbelief.  We do have the photos (see!).

I'm not sure if the larger confusion comes from the concept of birth in general, the lack of a mother, or trying to understand surrogacy.  "Babies don't come from tummies!" "She didn't eat us!"  It was an amusing conversation in some regards.

I guess the major thing is that we have crossed the bridge and introduced the concept that they were born via a surrogate. 

Sugar cravings and other updates...

I know I've mentioned this before.  I was told from the outset that I would get sugar cravings - which does make sense especially when you consider the amount I was drinking.  And I did mention before the battle to find a low-sugar substitute to replace those cravings.  Zero-calorie lemonade (soda) and a splash of lime cordial was working and still is.  Although I do find that during the day I end up craving sugar something fierce.  Which I am mostly ok with.  Except a) we have chocolate in the house and b) we have jellybeans in the house (bribery for Louise and Olivia to try to get them to either behave or do something).  So I am basically hoeing through the chocolate and the jelly beans.  I even have a stash in the car which of course is for the girls... of course... completely... it is... honest!

The other thing which I have to share and it did make me laugh.  There's apparently been a bit of a run on antabuse or there's transport or manufacturing issues.  My normal pharmacy didn't have any antabuse and their store didn't either.  So went to my old pharmacy in South Melbourne to see if they had it (it's a methadone clinic so I thought my chances were pretty good).  That was a no... it surprised me.  They were however kind enough to ring a discount chemist warehouse to see if they had some in stock - which they did (this is turning into a joke where you're sitting there going sheesh get to the punchline already...).  Now antabuse is a drug to stop people from drinking - that's pretty much it's main use.  So what's the bloody warning label I get on the damn thing.

"DO NOT TAKE ALCOHOL while being treated with this medicine"

This to my mind does really fall into the thank you Captain Obvious category.  Anyway I thought it was kind of amusing.  It's probably not as amusing as I think.

One of the greatest challenges that I'm finding is cooking without alcohol.  As someone who enjoys cooking - it's a challenge.  I keep skipping past recipes that have alcohol in them - mostly as the alcohol doesn't completely burn off so it could actually trigger a reaction.  Speaking of triggering reactions - the pharmacist yesterday was a delight, it seems that hairspray, perfume, mouthwash and deodorant can trigger reactions in some people taking antabuse.  I'd say I'm pretty safe from the hairspray one just between you and me...

"Stay Strong Princess!"

I have the most amazing friends.  I don't have many but the ones I do have, I love dearly.  They constantly surprise me and amaze me.  It's no great surprise to people that I'm a geek (or a nerd - I prefer geek!) so I love the little geeky presents that I occasionally get from my best friend.  This was really more about the message though - I probably would be finding this a lot harder if it wasn't from the support of my friends.  Matt and I have discussed this at length for a while and he's really helping me through it.  I don't make or keep friends very easily but the ones I do have mean the world to me (you hear that Matt! I'm actually being nice to you!!!!)

So various updates & observations:

• I have reached the conclusion that my clinic can't organise their way out of a wet paper bag.  So I showed up late for group on Thursday (I had to go with the girls to see Possum Magic) and they couldn't find my group... so the receptionists advice was to go have lunch and come back for the after lunch session.  Nice!
• I also managed to discover that the clinic (or more technically my health insurance) pays for parking for out-patients.  This probably could be excused it was only my second week ALTHOUGH I have been asking for longer than that.
• I had my assessment for the addictions program on Friday.  I've been accepted - not sure if I want to go yay about that.  I've heard it's a very good program though so it should help.  Although it doesn't start until late September so I get to deal with the transitions group for a while longer.
• So when I had the assessment for the Addictions Program and I was chatting to the psychologist (yet another one!) she was surprised at how quick my detox was.  She'd never heard of a detox that went for 4 days.  Which I guess explains the cute psychologist's surprise at my lack of a treatment plan.
• I've been alcohol free for a month.  I know a large part of that is the antabuse which does provide the psychological boost that I need to stay strong.  I am getting better though :)

More reflections on group therapy

So it seems that I am going to be in group therapy for a while.

Now I guess upon reflection (moreso as I have had a couple of days to think about things and I did see my psychiatrist yesterday), I can understand why it was suggested I do group therapy.  The group I'm doing now is called "transitions" which is for people who've been staying in the hospital for a while to transition back into normal life.  No obviously this doesn't really affect me per se, as I am let's face it pretty normal to most intents and purposes.  Now I am not the most world's most social person - I used alcohol to drop some of my inhibitions so I could actually interact with people.  So being thrown into a situation where I actually have to interact with people sober isn't exactly a lot of fun for me, it downright sucks actually.  The intent in part is for me to get used to being group therapy so when I hit the real stuff (the addictions program) I'm ready for it.  And I can basically cope with what it's going to throw at me (well not throw at me but deal with the fact that I am in group therapy).

The other interesting thing that my psychiatrist said yesterday about group therapy (and in some ways I think this is quite awful) is that group allow you to gauge yourself compared to others.  So if everyone in the group is basically a raving loon - it can help you feel better about yourself.  I know it's a horrible thing to say but I can understand where he's coming from!  The real intent though is that it can give you different approaches and ideas of how to handle things.

So it should be interesting all in all.  I can see a large number of benefits, aka getting me back into a routine other than just hanging around at home.  Means I may struggle to get the stuff I am supposed to get done (like clean the house, laundry, shopping etc).  But getting out and about may actually do me some good.  I know dealing with my addictive behaviours will undoubtedly do me a lot of good.  I'm not sure if I will stay in the transitions group once the addictions group starts (probably not as I don't really feel like I fit there).

this is the longest I have been sober in years...

I'm 21 days sober today.

It's funny (or sad) - I had an appointment with psychiatrist this afternoon and came to the shocking conclusion that this is the longest stretch I have been sober for in probably 12-13 years.  The last time I have been sober for longer than this I was training for a corporate triathlon and something screwy was going on in my head (go back a couple of posts for the me with abs).  So I guess realistically I have been a very heavy drinker for 10 years plus.  I really am very lucky that my body hasn't completely rebelled against me - but from what I have been told I'm at that age where things would have started going downhill rapidly if I didn't nip it in the bud.

So that was a bit of a shocking realisation.  I guess for me it's also quite easy to forget how easy it is to just drink.  And that's something I have to learn to cope with or learn to find something else to do... my GP today suggested cooking or writing or something to kill the time and try to take my mind off it (I had to go see our GP has Olivia has conjunctivitis or has she's been calling it congunkeyetis).

And to be honest I have actually been pretty ok without the drinking.  But as I was telling my psychiatrist as I am on the antabuse it's pretty easy as it does provide a psychological edge to help me deal with it.  SOOOOO I was supposed to be on the antabuse for a month.  When I go see him next week he's renewing my prescription so I will have an extra month on the antabuse.  Do you maybe thing he knows me better than I know myself?

Thoughts on my first group therapy session

The public transport bit first.
It's ok.  There's something convenient about having one of the main city tram routes a block away.  Especially when the tram comes every 8 minutes and the stop you're going to is one of the main non-CBD interchanges.  So it's a win-win.  I guess for me it's a bit of an adjustment mostly as I have driven everywhere for the past 3.5 years.  So yeah, it was ok.  Popped in the headphones and tuned out the world.  Although coming home I did end up with a question when I got off at my stop - how is that people who look like they can barely afford to dress themselves afford cigarettes?

So group therapy.
Apparently you can have group therapy with two people... apparently.  It seems the rest of the group hasn't realised yet that there is a group on Thursdays.  So I have been assured that next week should be more like a real group session.  YAY!!!! Something to look forward too.  

I can't say I'm a fan of group therapy.  The other guy who was there seems more damaged than I do and I (as one of the psychologists said) come across as having had quite a traumatic life (which I really don't think so).  Allow me a minor divergence - I won't discuss what anyone else brings up or says that's not my place or right, I will do things like this though.  So anyway, I'm emotionally drained, I loathe going back over my past.  My past is my past and it should stay there.  So one of the interesting things that I took out of today and it's probably quite appropriate (hence the picture) is that the me that drank is somebody I used to know and I have to learn about the new me.  And that's actually quite scary for the first time in a very long time - I'm effectively naked and vulnerable.  That does completely freak me out.  All of my coping mechanisms and (false) bravado have been ripped away - I can't hide behind anything anymore.  It's just me - the flawed, imperfect me.