Saturday, June 29, 2013

Notes from Detox (from my Moleskin)

I told my GP that I was going into detox and she suggested that I should get into something like blogging to help pass the time I would normally spend drinking...

So I decided to take my moleskin into detox with me, considering I hardly ever use it!

So some notes:

  • Hospital food blows
  • Detox is easier than expected.  Although the hallucinations are starting to creep me out.  There always seems to be something at the corner of my eye.
  • Time actually seems to passing reasonably quickly.
  • Some of the psychologists are SO cute!
  • All the staff have been really wonderful (apart from one nurse who was a bit dour and the catering staff are all a bit nasty - although there is a rather nice, friendly and handsome ginger beardo).
  • Not drinking.  Yes well... so far so good - physically I miss it, mentally I miss it - but I seem to be doing ok.  That may change when they let me out though.
  • Valium tastes awful.
  • I've been drinking so much tea and apple juice.
  • Surviving on 3G isn't that much fun - I miss the online interaction but in part I'm also happy not to have it.
  • I miss my babies.  I know I am doing the right thing for them but I just miss them so much.  I miss the laughter, the joy, even hell the whining.  I just want to give them massive cuddles.
  • Anxiety is up - maybe I used alcohol to control my anxiety.
  • Valium stops today which means I am expecting an increase in anxiety.
  • My best friend Matt has helped maintain my sense of humour.
  • Feels a bit weird not having the alcohol withdrawal scale done anymore.
  • I'm still worried about my blood pressure though.
  • I'm really quite upset that I have to miss the girls first parent teacher meeting.
  • I thought I had low-esteem but how much the teenagers here hate themselves is truly heart-breaking.  I have to ensure this doesn't happy to Louise and Olivia.
  • I'm still anxious - not sure if it's related to being away from home or that I suffer anxiety.
  • I feel depressed and lonely but that was my choice.
  • I honestly can not believe that I spent two days without listening to music - there must be something wrong with me!