Friday, September 4, 2015

"Daddy - I don't like you"

I had my heart broken today.
I also cried in front of my children - I won't say I try to avoid this, I suppose being a man I feel like I shouldn't as it does show a weakness.  As a parent I am actually ok with it as it does show my children that I am human.

Summer has been long.  So very long!  Now for the most part I have been able to keep Louise and Olivia busy with camps but 13 weeks is 13 weeks!  This week has probably been worse than most as they have been home with me.  I have also been a bit angsty this week about other things so that hasn't helped.  I will be honest and admit that I woke up in a very foul mood today and I really couldn't shake it.  No idea as to what caused it and unfortunately being human as much as you don't try to do it - it does affect your interactions with your kids, so I really wasn't the most fun I have been with the girls.  Also Louise really is at that stage where she's pushing, constantly pushing.  I do tend to react rather than think and then react which she also feeds off.  So with a small amount of craziness from being home with me and the end of summer so on... Louise and I have butted heads a fair bit lately.  She has developed this tendency of starting to look away and ignoring me when I'm talking (or lecturing if you want to be honest) to her - which upsets greatly.  She did it to me this morning when they had one of their friends here - I was talking to her about something and she turned away and started putting her helmet on because they were going to scooter.


So yes... talk became a lecture and off she went inside.  She did a couple of other things to push buttons - she decided it would be fun to take everything off her bed so I helped her.  Then came the crunch I asked why she did the things she did.  Why does she not listen to me?  Doesn't she realize that it upsets me and it makes me feel like she doesn't respect me or even like me... Now I did put the words out there so it is partly my fault.  She told me she didn't like me.  It was literally a physical blow.  I had to walk away from her and I walked into her room and cried.  Olivia came in to comfort me and then Louise slipped the note under the door.  Olivia grabbed it and asked Louise what it was about.  "BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE DADDY!"

I took a time out.
I told them both that I just needed to get away and just breathe.

This parenting thing at times is hard.
I know Louise loves me and she was just reacting to the fact that she was upset and I am what ultimately is creating some of the upset.  I just have to try to not take it personally.  It can hurt though.